Anything But Brown

Growing up, I struggled with my appearance, feeling disconnected from the beauty of my Barbie dolls, the women in magazines, and those in movies. When left alone to play, I would sometimes cover myself in baby powder, believing it would help me achieve the “pretty” skin tone I longed for. At nineteen, I briefly lived in a Florida apartment with five other women. It was my first time away from my predominantly Hispanic hometown, and for the first time, I found myself surrounded by people who didn’t look like me.

During a casual conversation with two roommates, we discussed eye color and what we would change it to if given the chance. One of them said, “anything but brown.” In that moment, I felt a wave of shame wash over me, questioning the color brown—everything about me was brown: my hair, my eyes, and my skin. This experience forced me to confront my childhood desire to have white skin. Although diversity is more celebrated today, it still takes courage and effort to feel comfortable in my own skin.